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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in quietnotebook's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 19th, 2009
10:56 pm
Does anyone else?
Does anyone else find it really freaking creepy that the word "Therapist" can be split into the words "The" and "Rapist" That's just darn creepy.
10:53 pm
Weighty Issues
I've decided to lose 50 + lbs. My current weight is 220 lbs and I'm not exactly even sure how I got to this weight. I remember being 180 and slightly unhappy, but overall okay with myself then the next time I jumped on the scale and REALLY looked at myself in the mirror I was horrified. I would like to be 160 or below again. I think I will be a happier person if I weigh this much. That is my slightly elementary statement.

I've joined a gym, I'm trying to go at least 5 days a week. Currently I'm doing a warm up of about 5 minutes, doing weights for 20 minutes or so, then jumping on the elliptical for 30 minutes. I'm usually at the gym for about an hour after it's all said and done.

I've realize how much soda I drink and that it's unacceptable. I'm going to go pick out a water bottle (hopefully tomorrow) that has lines on it and everything so I can see how much I drink. Unfortunately, I cannot stand the taste of our fridge water so I'm going to get some of those Propel fitness water pour ins. It'll add some flavor without a whole lot of calories.

I need to watch what I eat more. I do not consume a ton of sugar or fat, but I could make healthier choices. I succomb to the power of fast food much too often. I need to buy stuff for turkey sandwiches and make my own lunches. I love pretzels and carrot/celery sticks and broccoli anyway, even without dressing, so why not take advantage of it? Plus I'd save a lot of money.

I need to commit to going to the gym. Last week was good, but this week wasn't as great because I've been busy and my dad (who usually goes with me) has been working late. I will ask my supervisor if I can take a short lunch and leave early in order to go work out before going home. I would go later in the evening but it's my older sister's birthday party and I wouldn't miss that to go to the gym, I'll just have to work around it.

Anyway, that's my goal. I just needed to put it down in writing.
Friday, December 5th, 2008
11:01 pm
So sick of this crap
I'm so sick of the highschool attitudes at work. I didn't have to deal with being what I would consider "bullied" in highschool so why in the world would I have to deal with it in the workplace?

I'm sick of hearing that word got back to so-and-so about what I said about them. That's funny because I don't recall ever saying that. It's making people mistrust me and probably say bad things about me. I'm actually upset about it because "it's getting back" to some people that I consider friends. I'm really ready to just say fuck everyone and leave. That's how bad it's been lately. And that sucks because I like what I do and I really respect the few people that I do consider friends. It's gotten to the point that I'm not going to be able to talk to anyone anymore and that really sucks because I think I was happier when I was able to be a little more open with people. Apparently that's just all going back into my head and I'm going to bottle it up now.
Friday, November 21st, 2008
5:25 pm
power failures
I'm sick. In many ways, so it's probably best to blog  about it.

I came home from work yesterday, fed the animals, then felt sick as hell. I don't know why but it feels like either an ear or sinus infection. It's hard for me to tell the difference anymore because my ear infections can be horrible, but I will barely feel it.

So then there's the rest of the sickness. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I could get a degree in many things... but I'm becoming bored with most of it. I would LOVE to get some kind of psychology degree and do autism research but there really isn't anything that is really HUGE with that right now. Psychology has always interested me, but there's really not much you can do with it unless you want to go to college for 6-10 years. Biology is kind of well... I'm interested in it... but I'm not sure where I want to go or what I want to do with it. I wouldn't mind going to some kind of engineering school, but I'm unsure of how I would do going to school somewhere else. It's very hard for me to deal with huge changes and I'm unsure of how I would find a different type of job, pay bills, etc. I do not think I would be able to live in a dorm room with other people, therefore it would require a room mate who I could deal with and just that thought of that sucks. I'm also not sure of how I would do in a bigger school. So yeah.... it's hard right now. There's also not much you can do with a degree in English which is about the only other thing I can think of besides photography which... would be even harder. So I'm just stuck at this point.


Work sucks... I LOVE zookeeping, but I don't paid enough for what I do. No one gets paid enough there except the people that don't work, and they get paid too much. I wish I could paid to design zoos and exhibits instead of just cleaning them and barely getting to interact with the animals. Once in awhile I get to design an exhibit and I really enjoy that and I don't believe (given the animal's happiness) that I have ever just totally failed at this job. Then I find out that I can't trust ANYONE at work except about 3 people. Even 1 of my main bosses has proved herself untrustable. I just don't understand it. There's too many people that are too close together in power ranks and so it just makes for a whole staff of people who are power hungry and half of them don't deserve it and no one is happy. It's killing me.

I feel like I'm stuck in this mind that has so many ideas and so many things to offer, but I can't communicate any of them because of my social disadvantages, age, and lack of "valid experience." It just sucks.
Wednesday, January 16th, 2008
4:08 pm
The mime
I had two different large thoughts today.

The first is that I pictured a cartoon form of myself in a soundproof glass box. I'm inside the box and I'm trying to reach out to a girl outside of it but it stops me. I'm left with my hands against the glass trying to touch her but it's impossible. I try to tell her how I feel but the sound just bounces off the walls and she shrugs because she doesn't know what I'm saying. To everyone else, I just look like a desperate mime... but my box cannot be removed by wiping off some makeup and tossing aside the black garb. It's permanent. Eventually my mime lips move into a downward crescent formation as I can feel myself being turned away time and again just because of my lack of communication skills... or communication all together.

The second was a realization thought.

I picture myself talking to people instead of doing it. I can usually solve my own problems this way. Sometimes it turns out bad though because when I really go to talk to them, with a confidence that it's going to go the way I want to, I get disappointed very easily. It hurts more than if I don't expect anything because I already got myself sure that it was going to be fine, and then it doesn't go that way.

I also realized that the people that I don't actually talk to, but I want to talk to, usually do like me. Jacque and Chelsie (or Buddy) are two girls that I really liked their personality of. They were in my journalism class and I just really liked them. I used to picture myself talking to them and getting along with them and having them like me back. Then one day they talked to me and they actually liked me. We even hang out together now and to this day I still can't figure out why I can't just talk to the people that I want to talk to.

I don't know how I can stand in a room full of people and feel like the most alone person on the planet. I don't have anyone to talk to. I really don't. My older sister has offered her ear anytime I need to talk but I can't even tell her about half or more of my life. My friends want to be able to help but most of them end up ignoring my problems and start talking about their own. I'm not saying that I don't want to listen to theirs because I do. I want to listen and do whatever I can within reason to help, but there is just no one out there that I can truthfully spill my guts to. And I don't want to offend anyone by saying any of this because I truthfully tell things to my closest humans. I tell them all I can and I tell them things that I could never tell anyone else. I wish I could talk to all of you. I wish I could make what I go through understood without hurting any of you. I wish I didn't feel like such a burden sometimes.
Sunday, December 9th, 2007
3:33 am
Fall 07
Friday completed my Fall semester of 2007. Phew, I got through the first semester of many college semesters. Unfortunately, I had many hardships during this first journey.

I had to drop Cellular Biology
Ended a relationship
Broke down a few times

Well it wasn't all that bad actually.

I know I've said it before, but I'm going to attempt to blog more. It scares me that all of this is open to the net, but maybe that's a good thing.

This my Fall Semester schedule, hourly credits, and grades.

Intro to Psych -- 3 hours -- A
Freshman Comp -- 3 hours -- A (most likely)
Design I -- 3 hours -- A or B... don't know for sure yet

Next semester I'm taking:
Anthropology (3)
Drama Classics on Video(3)
Intro to Biology(3)
Psychological Statistics(4)
Psychological Statistics Lab (0)
Intro to Psychology Lab(1)

Hopefully it won't be too bad.

Tomorrow I want to continue to clean my room. I'm really disgusted with myself for letting it get to the point it has. I've always been this way though and I hope it's something that I can start to correct about myself. I wouldn't describe myself as a slob, but I'm sure that anyone who walked into my room without knowing me would think that. There's no reason for them not to.

I also really want to start a photo blog. I know that this is going to be decently hard for me but maybe I can start by taking before/after pictures of my room tomorrow. That would be a nice beginning.

Friday, December 7th, 2007
6:05 pm
Asperger's Research Paper
I didn't attach my works cited here... but if anyone has a problem with that, I will do so as soon as possible.

A seemingly normal girl walks into the room, eyes averted, taking in every detail of the room without notice of you. She appears a bit confused on what her next action should be, but after a few minutes sits down on the opposite side of the same couch upon which you are seated. Finally mustering up enough courage, she quietly asks you if this is the correct place to wait for the doctor. After you politely reply "yes," she continues to look at her shoes and seems to forget your existence. To the average person, she may seem like an ordinary girl who is painfully shy with a few quirks on the side, but according to many professionals in psychology, she may have Asperger's Syndrome. In today's society, we find people that will refuse to believe this about this girl, arguing that she is just shy and nothing like others they have seen or heard about with the autism spectrum disorder. However, these people do not realize just how vast the personalities of those diagnosed can be. Many people have a stereotypical view of Asperger's Syndrome, but in contrast to popular belief, people with this disorder are uniquely, and sometimes completely, different.

Lack of awareness is one of the main reasons that people may not accept the fact that an otherwise normal child may be suffering from Asperger’s. Some diagnosed with the disorder may be undiagnosed or even misdiagnosed. How do we know if someone has Asperger’s or how to help them cope if we don’t accept it first? When 1 in every 166 children is diagnosed with Autism or a related spectrum disorder, we should all be aware (Bower). Asperger’s Syndrome was not recognized by the DSM-IV until 1994 even though it was discovered and written about by Hans Asperger in 1944. Hans Asperger studied many young males who demonstrated autistic-like behaviors but had normal intelligence and speaking skills (Kirby). Below is a copy of the diagnostic criteria as printed in the DSM-IV.
A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction
(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity
B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
(1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
(2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
(3) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
(4) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).
E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.
F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

Aspergians, individuals with Asperger’s Disorder, typically have the most trouble with communication and social skills such as body language and hidden meanings, but other symptoms show up also. These symptoms may mask the existence of Asperger’s by leading other people, even professionals, to diagnose another disorder. Often, Aspergians may have a double diagnosis or exhibit symptoms mimicking other mental disorders. Like people with sensory processing disorder, they may refuse to wear certain fabrics or touch certain textures. Lights, sounds, smells, and tastes may be overwhelming. Sometimes they will even sense things that no one else seems to perceive (Kirby). A person with Asperger’s may also go through one or more periods of depression. Even though an Asperger’s child might not know what they have, they still sense that they are different. “I have gone through depression several times in my life, because I wanted to connect where I couldn't. I felt isolated and meaningless. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't” (Barber). Many have obsessive tendencies because they can focus easily and may become intensely fascinated with one subject or area of a topic. Obsessive interests may take them over for hours or days at a time and daily schedules are often non-flexible (Kirby). It is unfair to rule out Asperger’s in a person solely based on the fact that they show more or less symptoms than the typical Aspergian.
The most important thing to remember when considering someone who may have it is that Asperger’s lies on a continuum. This means that different individuals display different severities of symptoms and different degrees of ability to get along in the world. “Some people exhibit the symptoms to such a degree that their ability to function alone in society is seriously impaired. Others, like me, are affected mildly enough that they can make their own way, after a fashion” (Robison 4). Even cases of identical twins both diagnosed with Asperger’s have shown different severities in each twin (Bower). Many Aspergians must also deal with the constant rebuttals of people who do not understand the continuum and may even confuse them with statements like “You do not have Asperger’s.” or “But you’re not like this kid I know who has Asperger’s.” Amelia Barber explains how her mother tries to convince her that she is not like others, “My mom has told me I can't have Asperger's, because I have friends and have learned manners. Apparently people with Asperger's aren't supposed to have friends…she is always citing examples of people with Asperger's who are different from me, and saying ‘see, you can't possibly have it.’” Not all people with Asperger’s act out in inappropriate behaviors or are completely incapable of reading all social cues. The cases the general public hears about are they most severe ones. Parents in schools only hear about the worst cases because they notice, from the very little time they spend with the children, that the student with severe Asperger’s is very different. They don’t notice the quiet student with Asperger’s who can have a conversation with the parent about everything there is to know about black holes. No. That child is just labeled as “smart.” There’s a reason for the difference between each person with Asperger’s. Just like with human genes, no two Aspergians are exactly alike.
One stereotype, though it has some fact behind it, is gender. “While the overall prevalence of Asperger's is 20 to 25 per 10,000 children, it's much more common in boys than girls” (Flora). However, that does not fully rule out females. Actually, there are many different theories that may explain this. Simon Baron-Cohen, a psychologist at Cambridge University, explains that people on the autistic spectrum are better at systemizing than empathizing and that woman’s great capacity to empathize balances out man’s great capacity to systemize (Kunzig). Some even suggest that there are almost as many females as males but they are harder to diagnose because they are naturally better at coping. “Researchers agree that girls with AS tend to be more anxious and less aggressive than the boys” (Flora). Girls naturally have the tendency to be a bit shy at first, standing off to see how things are done, then moving in and maybe practicing the same actions and words that others have used in the same situation. Whichever theory is true, girls are still able to have Asperger’s even if it is usually less noticeable than in boys.
Another commonly misunderstood guideline for the Asperger’s child is the inability to socialize. So when someone says “You aren’t an aspie because they can’t talk to others normally,” this couldn’t be further from the truth. Many Asperger’s children can and will socialize, but they will sometimes be more awkward or inappropriate and will take longer than neurotypical children to figure out how to interact with others in a socially acceptable manner. “It was inconceivable that there could be more than one way to play in the dirt, but there it was. Doug couldn’t get it right. And that’s why I whacked him” (Robison). Most of them are successful, though, at finding out a way to socialize without receiving strange looks all the time. Barber shows how her disorder has a positive aspect on her social life “The thing that makes me happiest about Asperger's is my ability to connect with a wider variety of people. That seems counter-intuitive, because Asperger's is a social disorder. However, the people everyone is scared of are the ones I like.” Aspergians are more likely to be accepted by adults than peers their own age and will more than likely seek out older people with which to have their version of conversation. “I had better luck dealing with grown-ups. My disjointed replies didn’t bring the conversation to an abrupt halt” (Robison 11). Because of this, they may appear even more socially advanced than others their age which could skew someone’s view of a person possibly having Asperger’s.
“Asperger’s is something you are born with – not something that happens later in life” (Robison 4). There is not yet cure for Asperger’s. Asperger’s does not switch on and off, however that doesn’t mean that some situations might cause an Aspergian to act out in a more inappropriate manner than others. In a one on one or small group situation, a person with Asperger’s may seem as normal as any other person. The others in the group may not even catch any hints of a diagnosis. Yet in a larger group, especially with public or highly social surroundings, this person may suddenly become shy, socially awkward, and may even participate in soothing movements called “stimming” such as rocking, rubbing, or hand flapping. Others may feel a little more anxious in these situations but may never present any signs of discomfort. One may live next to an Aspergian for years without ever knowing.
A common misconception about people with Asperger’s Syndrome is their intelligence. It is still undecided whether Asperger’s Syndrome is the same or separate from High Functioning Autism (HFA) but both describe autistic traits with a normal or above average IQ. Gifted children and children with Asperger’s have similar traits, however these two categories also have some overlap (Little). There are no more excuses of “Oh, he’s gifted. Gifted people are just a little awkward.” to verify a lack of Asperger’s.
Finally, one of the most caring reasons that people are likely to reject an Aspergian’s diagnosis is simply because they do not want to admit that anything is “wrong” with the person they know. Perhaps the person who is diagnosed is a close friend or family member. The person is well liked, even with a few quirks, and that last thing anyone that knows the person would want is for something to be difficult for them. This can be especially hard for parents. “My mom doesn't think I have it. She doesn't like the idea of something being ‘wrong’ with me. I think she has the idea that people with Asperger's can't live a ‘good’ life” (Barber). It is difficult to accept that someone truly cherished is having a hard time in such a large area of life, but remember that people with Asperger’s can be just as, if not more, successful than neurotypical people. Just because someone isn’t having an extraordinarily difficult time does not mean they are not struggling a little more than the rest of us from day to day.
Stuck in a world where communication is hindered, it may be difficult for people with Asperger’s to help others understand what is going on inside their heads. Though it may be difficult at times, we must learn, accept, and work through the hardships that come with a diagnosis of Asperger’s instead of wasting time in denial. Recognize the many different possible symptoms and listen when someone thinks or knows they have Asperger’s. Last of all, realize that no matter how hard it can make a life, Asperger’s is a gift bestowed among the few who trying to share the world with us through different eyes.
Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
2:55 pm
While college life continues to be confusing... some things got a little better...

1) I dropped Cellular Biology. I was wrong to take it and I was struggling to get low D's with a few F's. Not me, so not the class for me. I'm considering taking an even more intro class to biology before re-taking that one. It was kinda like throwing me into the ocean if I had never swam before.

2) Design is getting better. When we're not specifically drawing... I'm fine. I think I just prefer other types of art.

3) Done with Shawn. I guess the most surprising thing was that she actually broke up with me and not vice versa. It needed to happen and looking back, I probably should've done it back in August rather than waiting for her to do it in October. We're still friends. It's all fine. It's done with, whatever. The details are confusing but when someone replaces their real life with SecondLife, I refuse to let anyone blame me.

4) I finished my 7-10 page paper on Asperger's for English. yay

5) I only have to finish my other paper for Psychology and then other than quizzes and one more half hour credit of experimentation, I'll pretty much be done with that class except for taking the quizzes.

6) I might get to play with Jacque's computer which would just make me really happy because I'd get an extra gig of RAM and a better video card while upgrading hers and it would just be better for both of us without spending too much money =).

I wouldn't really say there's anything bad going on right now other than the fact that my mom bought a ticket to Las Vegas and hasn't told anyone yet. Lovely.... I'm not letting it bug me too much though. We'll attach that lump when it comes I guess. End of Story.

I'm considering posting more writing here... just not sure yet.
Friday, October 19th, 2007
3:07 pm
So, it pretty much sucks to let yourself be involved in someone you love's life only to be replaced 6 months later by a game that is ruining her life and you can't do anything about it. I'm sure that was a run-on sentence but I don't particularly care. At least I can move on and find someone that deserves my time and affection now. And that ends a new chapter in my life.
Monday, September 24th, 2007
11:16 pm
too much time on blogthings
this one was interesting

You Are An Apple Tree

You are quiet and shy at times, but you have lots of charm and appeal.

You are quite attractive: your pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, and adventurous spirit draw people in.

Sensitive and loyal in love, you want to love and be loved.

You are a faithful and tender partner - who is generous in sharing your many talents.

You love children, and you need an affectionate partner.

lol what?

You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence.
People know they can't push you around, and they respect that.
Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable.
You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life.

You tend to feel smothered by paper people.

You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person.

When you fight, you: Use all of your strength

If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Would it now?
You Are Rock

Powerful and overbearing, you intimidate people with your presence.
People know they can't push you around, and they respect that.
Deep down, you are calm, confident, and unmovable.
You take everything pretty seriously, and you think deeply about all aspects of your life.

You tend to feel smothered by paper people.

You don't mind crushing the spirit of a scissors person.

When you fight, you: Use all of your strength

If someone makes you mad: You're likely to throw something at them

Another strangely interesting one since i guessed on half of them

Your Slanguage Profile

Aussie Slang: 50%

Canadian Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 25%

British Slang: 0%

New England Slang: 0%

Southern Slang: 0%

Your Element Is Water

A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted and serious.
That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep.

Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.
You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.

You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves.
You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.

how horrible
You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

who would've known? haha
You Are Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination.

But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments

Your life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

yay I love this song
Your Love Song Is

Yellow by Coldplay

"Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow"

You're so in love, it's like a drug.

I'm not sure if this is good or bad
You Would Be a Pet Fish

Relaxed and laid back, you prefer to sit back and observe what's going on around you.
You are secretly very wise and intelligent, but few people take the time to learn about you.
You don't mind if the world doesn't understand you. You're having enough fun trying to understand the world.

Why you would make a great pet: You're peaceful and nice to be around, but not very demanding

Why you would make a bad pet: Let's face it... the only person you're truly interesting to is yourself

What you would love about being a fish: Swimming around aimlessly without a care in the world

What you would hate about being a fish: Being used as bait or food for bigger fish

Your Lucky Love Color is Blue

When someone gets to know you, the first thing they notice is how deeply you think and feel.
You are calm, reflective, and mature. However, you sometimes seem spacey to those trying to charm you.
And unlike what your color might suggest, you are never really down or "blue" - even after a break up.
Your heart is thoughtful and rational. You don't let your emotions rule you. It's your head that falls in love.

aww it's cute
You Should Own a Beagle

Low maintenance, very friendly, and sturdy.

just what I kneed.... wow i spelled need with a k... and I'm not erasing it either haha
Your Anti Climactic Fortune

Deep into your future, I forsee: Human stupidity

OMG LMFAO at "detective name"
Wrylie Ann Guffey's Aliases

Your movie star name: Yogurt Glen

Your fashion designer name is Wrylie Madrid

Your socialite name is Wryfry Lawrence

Your fly girl / guy name is W Guf

Your detective name is Hedgehog Seaman

Your barfly name is Ice Cream None

Your soap opera name is Ann 35th

Your rock star name is Hard Life

Your Star Wars name is Wrydax Gufshe

Your punk rock band name is The Tired Cheese

Funny cause the 90s have been most of my life... am I a child of the 2000's?
You Are 24% A Child of the 90s

You are such a child of the nineties. NOT!
Back in the day... well, you weren't really paying attention.

not sure what to think
Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance.
You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.
You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).
10:53 pm
ick- don't agree with it
You Are a Purple Crayon

Your world is colored in dreamy, divine, and classy colors.
You hold yourself to a sky high standard, and you are always graceful.
People envy, idolize, and copy you without realizing it. You are an icon for those who know you.
And while it is hard to be a perfectionist, rest assured it's paying off!

Your color wheel opposite is yellow. While yellow people may be wise, they lack the manners and class needed to impress you.
9:50 pm
College Life
College is just frustrating.

I hate my Design I class. It's not fun. I'm told what kind of art to do and how to do it. It's supposed to be pleasing to the eye.... I'm quickly finding out that what's pleasing to my eye is not the same as what's pleasing to everyone else's.

Cellular Biology- I got a D on the first test, not sure about my lab exam yet (but I think I did well), and I'm positively sure that I failed the test today. He doesn't teach. I really had a strong urge to run him over when I saw him running across the street today. All that went through my head was "Yeah... you better run, you gave an exam today"  and then I laughed at myself.  My goal in there is a C now and for those of you who know me... my goal is usually a 95% or above. That's how frustrating this class is for me  but the more I talk about it, the better I feel about it.

Fr. Comp- it's alright. A little more busy work than I expected. I need to get my butt in gear in all actuality.... instead of procrastinating, I just need to do it... but it's not working.

Psychology - love this class, love the teacher, wish all my classes were taught by her. 'Nuff said. <3's for psychology

Today my dad had a near death incident at work. Basically, a patient was trying to strangle him against the ground. Another co-worked tried to jump on the guy to get him off but he moved his arm back and flung her halfway across the room. Luckily a doctor walked by who knew a pain inflicting move that made the guy finally let go. I don't think my dad realizes how easily he could've been killed. His work needs to do something about this... like get security. Nurses shouldn't have to also act as security guards.

People are telling me to leave Shawn. They say that I'm a really great person and I deserve better. I'm not sure what I think about this at the moment.

Right now I have 3 jobs and possibly may have a 4th soon:
RGIS - Inventory company, the only taxable job I have. I only work on weekends and to an extent, when I want to/can. We basically count things enter the information into a computer thingy, then they add up everything. I like it alright, it's just a little tough with the consistency of the hours and when I work.

Babysitting- I watch 3 kids, 1.5, 3 and 4 (I think). They're pretty good and they play together well most of the time. Again, the only problem is consistency in actually doing the job. I like this one though and get paid decently and the parents are good people also which helps out a lot.

Tutor - I tutor a good friend in algebra 2. He says it's helping and I really hope he's telling the truth about it. I basically get paid by the state because he's reimbursed so I get to pick my own pay. I might move it up to 15 an hour just so that I'm getting a little more money out of it since it's not charging him and I talked to another person and they're getting 20.00 an hour.

And apparently in the middle of this post I became addicted to yahoo answers in another tab. So I will end this now.
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
8:06 pm
So I basically realized that I haven't posted in here since March. *gasp* Shocking! I'll attempt to write more... especially since I now have stuff to write about.
Monday, March 26th, 2007
7:40 pm
23 Deep Questions.

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someone's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone's - - - eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
It's kinda hard for me to look into other peoples' eyes.. and when I do, I can't really tell from just body language what anyone wants. I get an F in that subject.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry?
Because I hate my mother... will not go into detail

3. Would you call your house and leave a message telling everyone how You feel, So that they wouldnt feel guilty when you died?
uhhh no... my family needs not know how I feel nor do they care. Why would I give them the pleasure?

4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
(1) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
certain people... I would keep it from others..

(2) What do you do with your remaining days?
I would probably write out a will with one week, then I'd probably spend some time with Shawn, then drive to see my cousins one last time

(3)Would you be afraid?
uhhh I'm not really sure.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Which do you choose?
well you can't have love without trust in my world... so I guess love

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you save the dog?
yeah, it's gotta be a sign of some sort. There's a reason for everything.

7. Your really good friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more then just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say?
depends on the person really.. I'm kinda into someone right now though so right now it'd be more like "uhhh that's nice to know, but I really don't feel that way about you.... sorry"

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life do you do it?
I don't think I would... If there was something that he or she needed only an hour to do to fulfill their dreams without anyone else knowing about them coming back to life, then maybe. I mean... I wouldn't mind giving up a year of my life for that, otherwise, no.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
I hope so

10.Does love = sex?
well I think sex comes after love but true love doesn't need sex to survive, it just happens because of the trust and good feelings you get from one another.

11. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company?
I'm not really sure. I've never been put in a situation like this before. It's hard to imagine that.

12. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say?

13. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back?
both... I've had to do both and I was lucky enough to end up with a good reaction to both, but I would like to keep this to a minimum unless the I love you part stays positive.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Writing. Without my writing, I don't think I would ever be able to express myself and to be honest, it's probably what has saved me.

15. Besides romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?
Jake, he's a really good friend

16. !?! Where is it?

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
with me to get attacked by this noise or who do I wish the walking person was? I'm confused by the question

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
no, because I'd be afraid of doing it wrong.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother's hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death?
I... I'm not sure...

20. Are you old fashioned?
with some things, not with most. I'm not sure..

21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
uhhh pretty much all the time

22. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
this seems a bit oxymoronish... ... why do I smell icy hot?

23. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
to have the power to read minds...
Sunday, March 25th, 2007
6:17 pm
Getting Better
Well my life is getting slightly better and slighty worse at the same time. Graduation will be May 20th and so that's like... less than 9 weeks away. *phew* It's going too fast. Tomorrow I go back to school from playing around on Spring Break for a week. St. Pat's day was pretty awesome. I got some beads so that was cool. The parade was 2 hours and 15 minutes long. I'm glad I didn't stay for the entire thing.

Shawn is making me entirely happy and right now I'm just focusing on that because it's a happy thing in my life rather than the whole depression thing with my mother. She can just make me smile over just about anything. She's awesome, her mother is awesome, and her friends are cool. It's just a big awesome ordeal. =) I'm such a loser sometimes. I basically created this painstakingly long way of asking her out... I didn't realize it would take that long so I need to apologize after she gets done haha. I feel kind of evil... oops.

My mother has officially bought a ticket to go see this guy on Memorial Day weekend. I think that's like the last week of May or something I really don't know I should probably look that up huh? I really don't know if I should do something like tell dad. I CANNOT talk to my mother no matter how much I want to. Yes, I realize that how I acquired this information is completely wrong, yet it's still miniscule to what she's doing. I don't understand cheating at all. I swear to never cheat on anyone that I'm lucky enough to be with. I don't understand why someone can't just say  "look, I have feelings for someone else, but I respect you enough to tell you this and end on a good note rather than basically telling you are unworthy by going out and screwing around with someone else" I woudl seriously rather someone tell me that 5 times than act upon influences. Grr...

Enough for now.
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
1:48 am
*would scream if it were possible*
This day has just.... sucked. That's all I really wanna write for the time being.
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
2:58 pm
Meh (a sad meh)
OK so I pretty much get really pissed when I have great insight then I lose it before I can write it down or type it somewheres. I wrote a 2.5 page paper on my quote about age. However, I think it's pretty boring without more explanation but the paper was supposed to be limited to 2.0 pages already and so I've already over written. GRRRR =( I sometimes hate when there's a limit to things I write. I love writing. The last paper I wrote was about my sister and the difference she has made in my life. Secretly, I just didn't want to write about anyone else because then I would have to explain who they are but since I could just put "Jhami, my sister" it was much easier. It ended up being a pretty good paper with 2 small/stupid errors so I got a 98% on it. This next paper probably won't receive that because of it's content. GRRR oh well. I have to let up in my stronger areas to make up for lost points in others sometimes like math and gov't. Grrr too many tests coming up and too little time and Shawn is going out of town so I won't get to talk to/see her for awhile and I've been feeling sick after eating and brushing my teeth and I have no idea why. GAH! Overload. I need to go feed the animals. bye bye
Monday, February 26th, 2007
1:04 am

2 weeks ago, I met this really amazing girl.
This weekend started out great, but then ended up really bad. 
A friend tried to kill himself and I know she is really upset about it and I can't do anything to help and I always feel guilty when I can't help because I like to make people feel better. I want to be there for both of them very badly. I wish that Friday, I could've said something so that he didn't attempt this action that would have scarred us all. I wish I could be some kind of hero, not for my own benefit, but for others' so that bad things wouldn't happen to the people I care about. While I'm dealing with my own problems, I feel the need to deal with others' too. *sigh*

Saturday, February 17th, 2007
11:55 pm
stupid people
my life is pretty Effed up right now. I'm lost in most things, and caught up in everything else. At least none of it is drugs or alcohol... Relationships mostly. Grr. My worst subject.
Wednesday, February 7th, 2007
8:13 pm
Readings 2007

Books I have read this year:
Titus Andronicus (5 stars)
A Midsummer Night's Dream (3.5 stars)

Current Mood: awake
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